I made a startling revelation today. Okay, it was not THAT startling, nor was it really a revelation. It was more like a preface to a real epiphany. Maybe even calling it an "epiphany preface" is giving my thoughts too much merit. However, the thought pleased me, mostly because it was the first complete thought I had in quite a while.
I know what I want to do.
I don't know how to do it.
Nor do I have the motivation to find out how to do it (most days).
So where do I start? I suppose it would be easier if everything just fell into my lap, like an unassembled puzzle. Then I could piece everything together and find my happiness, discover my real "life purpose". The only problem with that sort of thinking is that in real life there are no neatly boxed puzzles. Unlike a puzzle which is a constructed image simply deconstructed for me to put back together, real life is un-constructed. What I start with is NOT like a puzzle... it's more like a game of Tetris, all of these pieces falling from the sky in random order and in random time, my job being to fit these pieces together before they pile up and crash the game.
What do I do with this squiggly shape?
How does this fit into my life?
Unlike Tetris, I do not have a controller, with neat little buttons to rotate the falling blocks around symmetrically. I do not have a pause button. Also, if I completely make a mess and end up with an ill-fitted stack of blocks, I do not have a reset button on my game box. I am just left with lots of ill-fitting blocks stacked up in jagged ways that continually poke at my edges until I figure out what exactly to do with them.
So what do I do with them??
~⊱⊹⊰
14 Mar 2009
